Our Breathe London business is about to move into uncharted waters – relationship counselling! My friend Madeleine is joining our team, she has a background in CBT and Positive Psychology.
The thing about love is that the more you chase something, the more it eludes you, the greater your craving the more it pushes love away. My favourite poem by William Blake goes like this:
“He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity’s sun rise.”
I think the key to attracting love into our lives is to focus our attention on cultivating selflove. There are loads of great techniques in yoga, Buddhism and positive psychology to enable this inner feeling of self worth and inhibit the inevitable negative self talk that occasionally arises. My mate Phil taught me a lot about how to avoid being tied up in thoughts. One of the last things I said to him before he went back to Oz was “thank you Phil for teaching me the joy of doing f**k all”.
Shakespeare put it slightly more romantically “there is nothing either good or bad only thinking makes it so”. Sometimes we get caught up in our thoughts which are often unrealistic views of the world. Cultivating a sense of inner calm, quietening the mind andhaving a peaceful inner world is an attractive quality
When you have that inner feeling of warmth, love and abundance other people are drawn to it. They want to give to you, share with you and be with you because they know that you are not going to draw on their energy – you don’t need to, you have everything already and anything that is given is a bonus. I had lunch with my lovely friend Lucy recently. She told me about an idea that most people wake up in the morning with the feeling that they didn’t have enough sleep, don’t have enough time and don’t have enough money. To attract love and the feeling of abundance into our lives its worthfocussing on what we do have compared to 95% of the human race.
The other thing about feeling loveable and attracting love into our lives is honesty. If we’re clear with people about what we want, what brings us joy and what we’re scared of we attract equally honest people into our lives. It doesn’t mean that we attract clones of ourselves into our lives. We may attract people into our lives with similar beliefs but we will also attract people into our lives who can help us overcome our fears and shortfalls because they know the real you.
So love grows in a relationship and we find loving relationship when there is self love, kindness, clarity, honesty and flow. Cultivating these values may not attract a partner or improve the relationship with your partner or expand your friend network in the short term but it will help you become a whole person and will inevitably lead to deeper more rewarding loving relationships in the future
I’ll unveil our new team of life coaches, hypnotherapy specialists, psychotherapists and mindfulness coaches next week.
Love Andy x